Hi God, how are you? I think this has been long overdue.
A few years ago, I was in a bad place. I was attached to people. I felt like I had no future. I lacked purpose – or at least any significant purpose. I was lost. A few years ago – after years of playing basketball alone, blasting music into my ears until they bleed and wearing an insincere smile – I decided that enough was enough. I decided that I was going to take the lead of my life and not be led by it anymore. I decided that You were going to be the centre of my life because the concept of believing in You was the only thing in life that had granted me with peace. I turned to You because you were the only one I knew who could fix it. And You did. You promised and You followed through.
I’ve always had a problem with organized religion – despite being religious. I think it’s because I’ve viewed it through the lens of an active power system. In essence, I saw how it allowed for the most powerful to take advantage of the least powerful in society. And religion, along with almost everything else in society, was used here as a tool for bad. So, I guess my problem all along wasn’t really religion, but people. Religion was actually the thing that saved me. It’s just sometimes so hard to remind yourself of the beauty of religion when modern society is set on villifying it.
Today I feel a bit lost. Thankfully nowhere near as lost as I had felt previously. But lost nonetheless. I know my purpose. I just need to live.
I plan and plan and plan. And sometimes I forget to live. My organized planning breeds success, but also anxiety.
Ya Rabb. Inna mai3ya rabbi sa yahdeen.
Surely, my Lord is with me. He will guide me through.